Entertaining Divine Timing

You won’t find me pushing “God has a plan” here in the sense that the things, especially the bad things, happening to you are predetermined or on purpose. He gave us free will and wanted us to have free will so by default we aren’t pawns in some grand game he’s playing. That being said I do believe when we pray he can put people, things, opportunities in our path that we can choose to take. And he can use horrible things that happen to bring about his plan which is that all will come to him in repentance and be with Him in eternity. That being said there are things that happen that can’t really always be explained and I don’t think that divine intervention or God’s plan are the answer but I am starting to wonder if divine timing might be. Like people looking for those opportunities to serve Him aligning somewhat inexplicably with the exact person needing to be served at the moment. I’ll share an example of what I mean by this through something that happened to me recently.

The boys came to us developmentally delayed. They made some really quick improvements. I wouldn’t say it has stalled, but maybe their quick improvement on the front end set us up with false expectations about how soon we’d be at the typical developmental level for their age. They have been with us six months and we were able to celebrate a milestone with them recently which had me in my feelings. The gravity of what we have taken on and hope to take on forever has really started to hit home. Alongside this exciting celebration came old pals fear, anxiety, and worry. From what I hear on the street, every parent struggles with these things at some point. And children born into perfectly loving homes can still not be “on schedule” so I don’t think we are special but fostering does have unique challenges on top of these regular ones. Which led me to wondering can we even do this? Do we want to do this? (To be clear: the answer to that was yes on day one. Six months later it will always be yes.) Are we truly the best thing for them? Are we doing right by them? What if we aren’t making the best decisions for them? Among other similar thoughts. So to begin my story…

We took the boys to the St Louis Zoo in celebration of this milestone. It’s just under a 3 hour drive. I knew they were technically too young but I thought going on a weekday in March would give us free range of the zoo and we could just hit the big animals that they would recognize from their books and call it a day. We left late. I spent most of the drive happy and excited but also silently questioning and ruminating over all the thoughts and questions I listed above. We got to the zoo and it was soooo incredibly busy. The boys were tired and moody and hungry. Matt got the stroller out and then proceeded to put one’s shoes back on him while I changed the others clothes entirely because he had peed through them. (How does that get on his shirt?) We get the boys in the stroller and are situating our cooler and backpacks when I notice a folded wax sealed letter in the bottom of the stroller. I asked Matt about it. He knew nothing and saw nothing. I saw nothing but obviously someone did put it there. I opened the letter. I quickly discovered it was 16 pages so I didn’t read the whole thing at that moment but I will tell you what the first page said and as I do remember the headspace I was in at this moment (stressed, doubting, questioning):

“God has chosen YOU for a special assignment.

God has given you a treasured blessing in the form of.a child and he is entrusting you to teach the child about the details of this scroll as well as the Bible. The child has been called, chosen, and appointed for a great assignment. And YOU have been assigned the task of preparing them as they grow into it. This is no easy task, but GOD is with you and will help you along the way.

God has hand chosen you and the child for such a time as this. He has knit the child together ever so perfectly for their great assignment in Gods kingdom. God is going to work through them in ways you can’t even imagine yet. Relax, you can’t carry this in your own, God already knows that the weight of this big assignment falls to the only one who can carry it, that’s God. But through your obedience and love to God the child will grow and become all God has destined for them to be.

As the child grows up in the Lord, you will get to see God’s marvelous plan for you and for them unfold firsthand. This is no easy task you’ve been assigned. But always remember… God is with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you; he will be an ever-present help in trouble, he is watching over you and the child to see his word come to pass. No word from God will ever fail! This is a big assignment you have been given, but GOD made YOU perfect for it. Lean into God and bloom. “

The letter (or scroll) went on to share scripture on teaching and raising children, finding and developing their spiritual talents, doing good to others, devotion to prayer individually and as a family, keeping your faith in opposition and so much more (it was 16 pages remember?!)

Now, I don’t believe that God spoke to this person and told them what to write. Or pointed to us and said they need to hear this message. But clearly it was someone who wants to share the gospel and encourage people with children. What they can’t know is what had been going through my head that morning. They also can’t have known that we are fostering the boys. I love a good underdog story. And I want all kids regardless of their background to be happy, healthy, loved and successful (don’t read that as rich, but taken care of financially and most importantly, fulfilled). But it would be a lie to say I had never thought about what the ripple effects could be for the boys out in the great big world with a story like theirs if we can give them a loving, healthy home and a life of opportunities they never could have imagined otherwise. Not for our credit. But God’s and theirs. And not for wealth or fame but for the possibility they could use their story and the opportunities given to change more lives than we could or did. So reading the first page of this “scroll” certainly peaked my interest and put a bit of a pep in my step as I realigned my priorities. (Now in full disclosure: the first 30-45 minutes of the zoo those thoughts when right out the window and I basically just kept repeating “are you ready to call it quits and say we tried?” But later! When things were calmer and more pleasant I did remember them again and THEN I realigned my priorities).

It was just strange. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. And it was interesting that it came at a time when I really needed to calm the fears, quiet the doubts, and be reminded that we are not in this alone. We have the greatest help on our side. And I knew that. But I was letting my own voice be louder.

I don’t know if divine timing is a term. I don’t even know that I’m wanting to say it’s real. I am trying to say that I’ve prayed a lot about these boys future over the last 6 months, got a little shuffled in my focus the last few weeks, and had an excellent reminder from a person in a city where I know no one that spoke to many of the worries and concerns I’d been letting take up residence in my mind. The story is yours to do with it what you will. I’m not special. Bad things have still happened to me. Things I asked God to fix or change and he didn’t. But I kept telling myself during all of that that I can’t blame him for the bad if I’m not willing to acknowledge him for the good. And something about that day was really good partially because the boys are precious but also because a letter from a stranger boosted my spirits and confidence by resetting my priorities. I guess I just wanted to share that with you in case you are having your own parenting struggle right now. Maybe it will be an encouragement to you too.

-Monica